Hey guys, I consider myself free from the cycle of that addiction.
I know it can be hard to you to trust me, and I know that when I was in your spot i also have doubts about if it was possible. But i managed to solve this problem in my life for 7 months now (march/2021)
My History related with PMO
My history related with this addiction starts around when i was around 12/14 years old. I was shy, with social anxiety had low self esteem, was bullied in school sometimes, couldn't get laid, was afraid to talk, to date girls...So i started to develop this addiction.
Then i got in college, i had the same problems. The addiction was so hard that i had suicidal thoughts sometimes and i almost dropped out of college because of social anxiety. I managed to solve some problems related to social anxiety and with girls with the help of some friends, but i couldn't get rid off PMO.
I also had DE and PIED, i couldn't feel pleasure in sex.
I also had a relationship where her necessity of sex was way below of mine, which only made me search for more PMO to satisfy my sexy drive, which only made me more numb, and was affecting our relationship. We then broke up because of all of that.
I just know i attempted a LOT since i was 18/20 years old when i accepted that this was a problem in my life (i am now 27). i failled so many times that i can't count, i reached 15, 60 , 83, 120+ days without pmo hardmode but failed again and again and again.
So in 2020, i decided to solve this, to put this as a priority in my life, I would do everything I could to solve this. I was angry with all that because i couldn't trust my own word, it was disturbing other areas of my life, i had no control of my own acts, I was a totally impulsive guy when the urge came, I had to stop everything to do PMO.
So then i searched for a therapist. I was reluctant about that idea, to the idea to open about my life, my problems, to trust someone about all that, but I had to do everything I could, I needed to try. So i was searching for a man who knew about nofap, about the ''addiction'', but i didn't find. So searching for therapists that attend my medical plan, I eventually booked with a woman that at least was well rated in some doctor's forum.
There i told about my problems in an honest way. She then made me realize what was going on in my life, i took her advice and worked!
So now i am here to share some of the things that i think it was relevant and that i learned and that maybe can help you if you practice.
Well, so what worked for me?
1- THE ROOT -
I realized that I was using PMO to run away from my problems in life, it was a mechanism that I built to feel good in moments when I felt pain. But that turned into a super bad habit (strong connections, a lot of triggers, easy, feels good). So for example:
- I didn`t know how to manage my emotions, then i used PMO
- I didn`t know how to deal with my shyness, then i used PMO
- I didn`t know how to deal with my frustration at career, then i used PMO
- I didn`t know how to deal with my relationship, then i used PMO
- In dealing with my sexual drive my default mechanism was PMO.
Are you also running away from problems?
Why i consider that important?
Because doing no pmo i was only treating the symptoms, so i had to understand the root of all that.
2 - NEW HEALTHY MECHANISMS -
i needed to solve these problems (emotions, shyness, career..)
So I started to do therapy in September 2020 and there she made me see:
- new perspectives of my past
- made me work on my shyness (social habilities, self-esteem,
- made me do gradual challenges in quitting the cycle, in weakening this habit.
- in my career, I changed. I was on a path to get the approval of my parents instead of following my dreams.
- in a relationship, I started to date again
I also took a lot of courses to study emotional intelligence to know how to deal with my feelings, how to identify them, how to not be reactive...
I also started again to meditate to deal with my anxiety, especially related to my shyness.
3 - LOOP & HEALTHY NEW OPTIONS TO DEAL WITH YOUR SEXUAL DESIRES
While dealing with these problems, I also needed to weaken the habit of pmo. but I realized that I was in a cycle again, doing no pmo hardmode, then getting x days (15, 60, 80, 120+) and then i was so aroused that I couldn't hold my desire anymore and because my default mechanism was pmo, I was continually having relapses, felling like sht all the times.
Because I didn't have other healthy options to deal with my healthy sexual desires. Only sex. But I was using mainly PMO to satisfy my sexual needs, but and PMO deregulate our brains with too much dopamine, so we have sensitization, desensitization, altered response to stress and sex turns out feeling like crap, because only PMO has novelty, super stimulus, is unlimited, is easy to access.
The problem is that our sexual desire will always be there, and until now i only had PMO and sex to satisfy my needs.
What i saw from that perspective is that if I chose only sex as my mechanism to deal with my healthy sexual needs, i know that someday i would not have sex for weeks, maybe months. And in that occasion, I would try to hold my healthy sexual energy, but eventually, the desire would be so huge that every little thing (images, woman in street) would turn me extremely on, and probably I would PMO, because is the only mechanism left for me besides sex and that i had practiced for years.
I know I can't, I can't be consistent with that, depending only on sex to deal with my healthy sexual desires. So that's why I added M without P and without escaping to my arsenal.
So I know if for some reason I couldn't have sex for weeks or even a month, I can satisfy my healthy sexual desires with M.
I know I can live that way for my entire life because is balanced, I will be not holding my sexual desires, ignoring them. If I don't have one, I have another option that isn't PMO.
I prefer sex and M without P and without being an escape than to PMO.
I don't have more urges now because I don't need more PMO to satisfy my healthy sexual desires, isn't more of an option for me. I have more healthy options.
You have to look at why you are using PMO as a crutch, is it because of your sexual desires? is it because when you are feeling anger, tedious, anxious, sick you are using PMO to feel good?
You have to look at these things, focus mainly on that, not trying to focus on the 90 days challenge, you have to find a system that works for you your entire life, that you can be consistent.
Can you have sex every week for your entire life? I know I can't. So that's why I added M without being an escape and without P.
Can you only by discipline and motivation not PMO for your entire life? Mostly cannot even do it for 90 days, 180 days. I couldn't. And that is okay, because that mission is hard, further if you try to do it for 1 year, 2 years, your entire life.
We are holding our healthy sexual desires, but like I said we will always have that sexual energy, and if you ignore it, it will call out, and probably you will PMO because of the cravings. So instead of holding that sexual energy, chose a path that is balanced, that you can do for your entire life, chose sex and M without being an escape and without P.
And like I said, you can condemn M, and try to stay only with sex, but as i said, can you have sex for your entire life every week? will you ignore your sexual energy? will you try to hold on until you have sex? You will be a slave to sex that way. And probably when you won't have sex your cravings will grow and you will be risking going back to PMO.
About DE and PIED
- I had both DE and PIED. Sometimes I couldn't get an erection or it wasn't rock solid. And when I could get an erection, I had almost no sensibility in my dck and I only could get an O with a lot of time and with much work from her.
- So what worked for me mainly is that I kept away from PMO.
- But i think what is also important and helped me is:
- started practicing kegel exercises for man
- changed my condom to a thinner one
- reduced the pressure in M
- started to be more present in S, instead of fantasizing while doing S.
I cured my DE (delayed ejaculation) and PIED and got back my sensibility
I feel proud of my journey
I made a lot of changes in my life and my mind
started to dating more girls
My consistency in the gym and in my diet went to another level
My anxiety is controlled by emotional intelligence and by meditating almost every day
changed my career path to something i love it.
Well, that is it, I hope it can help. Success in your journey.
PLAN OF ACTION FOR YOU
1- Are you really addicted? Can you stop using it? or when you try it cravings come strong?
2- If you are addicted, why you need to stop it? Is affecting your relationships, your life, are you wasting time, energy with PMO? Do you have DE or PIED?
- If you think it's okay to PMO, doesn't matter what I tell you, you won't change, you don't want, you don't think is relevant to your life.
- If you think is hurting you or preventing you to be the best version of yourself, then chose a big why that is relevant to you, is to save your relationship? is to cure your DE or PIED? If you chose something that isn't really important to you, you will be missing something very important part.
Your big why will be the fire to your motivation part, to why you will be doing this change.
3- What are your options to deal with your healthy sexual need?
2- PMO and sex
3- PMO and sex and M without P and without being an escape
4- Only sex
5- Sex and M without P and without being an escape
4- What is your option that you think you can maintain for your entire life without having to recur to PMO?
1- Only sex
- if you chose that option, how many times per week you think is okay for you to satisfy your sexual need? and can you have that for your entire life?
2- Sex and M without P and without being an escape
- if you chose that option, how many times per week you think it's okay for you to satisfy your healthy sexual need?
3- Trying to transmute your sexual energy and sex
4- Being a monk, ignoring/suppressing your sexual energy
5- What are the things you use PMO as a crutch besides your healthy sexual need?
1- When you feel anxious, you PMO to feel good
2- When you feel tedious, you PMO to feel good
3- When you feel happy, you PMO to feel good
4- When you feel alone, you PMO to feel good
5- When you are sick, you PMO to feel good
6- When you have worked very hard through the day or the week, you give you a reward, PMO to feel good
7- Your relationship isn't going well, so you PMO to feel good
8- Your work isn't going well, you PMO to feel good
9- Your self-esteem is low, so you PMO to feel better
10- You blame your past, your choices from the past, you PMO to feel good
11- You had traumas from the past, so you PMO to feel good
6- What will the role that you are in today?
1- Are you a victim of the circumstances and blame everything else?
2- Are you a victim of the circumstances and blame some people, in other matters you know it is your responsibility?
2- Do you take responsibility for everything in your life?
7- What will you do to every problem that you are using PMO as a crutch?
1- You will ignore it
2- You accept the fact, and don't think is relevant
3- You change your perception about the fact and turns out not to be a problem and that doesn't affect you anymore
4- You will choose to change
8- If you chose to change, how will you do it?
1- alone, by try and error
2- with the help of someone, by try and error
3- with the help of someone that already got the result you want
9- What path you will choose?
1- I will do nofap hardmode for 90 days only by motivation and discipline and don't know what i will do after, holding my healthy sexual energy until there, despite the cravings
2- I will do nofap hardmode for 90 days only by motivation and discipline, holding my healthy sexual energy until there, despite the cravings, and after I will maintain my healthy sexual energy only with sex, and when i won't have sex i will hold my energy risking have cravings and going back to PMO
3- I will do nofap hardmode for 90 days by motivation and discipline, and will analyze and solve why I use PMO as a crutch to my problems, holding my healthy sexual energy until the end, despite the cravings, and after I will maintain my healthy sexual energy only with sex, and when I won't have sex I will hold my energy risking have cravings and going back to PMO
4- I will do nofap hardmode for 90 days by motivation and discipline, and will analyze and solve why I use PMO as a crutch to my problems, holding my healthy sexual energy until the end, despite the cravings, and after I will maintain my healthy sexual energy with sex and with P without M and without being an escape.
5- I will focus mainly on the process, having sex and M without P and without being an escape since the beginning and I will analyze why I use PMO to my daily problems and will find better and healthy solutions,
5- I will focus mainly on the process, having and M without P and without being an escape since the beginning and I will add sex as an option as soon i find a girlfriend or girl to go out. And I will analyze why I use PMO to my daily problems and will find better and healthy solutions,
6- I will focus mainly on the process, choosing only sex as my option to deal with my healthy sexual need and when I won't have sex I will hold my energy risking have cravings and going back to PMO.
Young man tells his story with ED
Hey guys, I consider myself free from the cycle of that addiction.